Hayden Hormonal Potter
by Sarcastic Clapping
Summary: What if, instead of Harry Potter, Hayden Potter was born into the world? What if instead of James dying, Lily is the one who dies that faithful night in Godric's Hollow after trying to protect Baby Hayden? And what if Sirius took them both into Grimmauld Place? Warning: Bunch of cheesy father-daughter fights, slightly punk-rock!Harry/Hayden. Rated T for slight cussing.
1. Chapter 1

"You can't tell her now, Moony, she has enough stress to deal with…"

"But she _needs _to know, it isn't fair for her…"

"If she hears there's a chance she might _die _in the end, she'll be too afraid to continue. It's not-"

Hayden tried to block out their voices with no success. Did they have to be so godamned _loud_? She could hear their voices from upstairs, and the walls were as thick as Ron's skull- not that it helped with Mrs. Black's portrait, who was a biased, prejudiced pure-blooded _cow _who was constantly criticizing Hermione, Hayden's best friend.

Needless to say, the feeling was mutual for the both of them.

"She's not going to die, there is no worry-"

"It's a possibility, Prongs, don't rule it out-"

"You know I can hear you talking about my possible future deaths from all the way upstairs, right?!" Hayden yelled. They quieted down, and Hayden snuggled into her bed, placing the ear-buds inside her ears.

_Know… My only goal, Is to see, and I'm only fast asleep… It takes more than strength to find, this peace of mind. So I'll hold, hold, hold it close- To my heart, beating with every step- hold, hold, hold it close- _

"BUT SHE'S NOT YOUR DAUGHTER! YOU CAN'T MAKE THE DECISIONS FOR HER!"

The scream shot across Hayden's favorite muggle band, making her scream with frustration. She placed the large ear-phones around her neck, her muggle phone hidden underneath her oversized comic T-shirt and dashed across her room, sprinted down the stairs and ran into the dining room, where they were all arguing over their dinners.

"You know," She said furiously to them, "I'm used to not being told whether I'm going to live or die to see the next sunrise, but _this _is just ridiculous." She slammed her palm on the table, making them all jump.

"You weren't supposed to hear that," Was her father's quiet reply. She scoffed and sat briskly into one chair, wearing a heated look on her face.

"You kidding? I heard you from three stories up, you were so loud. And what do you mean, 'I wasn't supposed to hear that'? Scared I'd back off, when I swore to you I'd finish off Voldemort once and for all after Sirius _nearly got KILLED _this year?!" She roared. Sirius chuckled at her anger and ruffled her hair.

"I didn't 'nearly get killed', I-"

"You almost got thrown into the Veil after Bellatrix hit you with one of the Unforgivable Curses." Remus pointed out helpfully. James nodded, looking uncharacteristically worried as he leaned back onto his chair and glared at his friend.

"But I didn't let her kill me, now, did I?" Sirius asked with a winning smile. Hayden slapped him lightly across the cheek.

"Snap out of it, Sirius! YOU ALMOST DIED, I ALMOST LOST MY GODFA-"

"BUT I DIDN'T DIE, NOW, DID I?" Sirius climbed up the table and pumped his fist into the air with a brilliant smile. Hayden bonked her head on the table.

"It doesn't get easier," James whispered into her ear and elbowed her in the ribs. She sighed and put her head against his shoulder, close to crying. She still remembered that foul bitch's yell, she still remembered the jet of green light rushing forward to hit Sirius. If she hadn't been able to tackle him away in time…

She shuddered at the thought.

"I'm going back to bed," She told them and stood up. "And _please _refrain from talking about my possible deaths when I'm right here." She left the room and trudged up the stairs, feeling miserable. All the work she did now would never matter- either her or Voldemort would die in the end, and she was nothing special.

She was tired of people always arguing that she _was _special, that she defeated Voldemort when she was only an infant and that was pretty major, but the truth was It was her _mother _that was special, not her. She sacrificed herself and gave Hayden a protection in her veins, flooding through her systems…

As Hayden crawled into bed, she put her ear-buds back inside her ears and fell asleep listening to muggle indie pop music with thoughts of her mother still popping in her brain to haunt her.

_He sleeps alone, he needs no army where he's headed… 'cause he knows, that they're just ghosts, and they can't hurt him, cause he can't see them, oh-h-h…_

**. . .**

The next morning, Hayden awoke from a sleep haunted by nightmares of Voldemort strangling her mother with his bare hands and cackling as Hayden struggled, in slow-motion, to try and stop him… shuddering, she removed the ear-buds from her ears and stared up at the ceiling for a few moments before walking across the room to her bureau and slipping on a pair of jeans and a pale blue turtleneck over her head. She leaned across the bureau and stared at herself in the mirror- not trying to be vain, just trying to see how shitty she looked like today.

Her bright green eyes were bloodshot from exhaustion and had dark bags under them. Her glasses were hanging crookedly on her nose, and she pushed them upwards with her index finger. Her long, thick black hair fell down to her waist in unruly waves, and her skin was pallid. All in all, she looked like warmed-up dog poop.

She sighed and crossed the room to her door, throwing it open to the smell of pancakes and eggs and bacon- all sorts of good stuff. Suspecting Remus was behind it- James and Sirius couldn't cook for the lives of themselves-, she dashed down the stairs and ran into the kitchen while trying to pat down her hair (with no success).

Remus was just serving some buttered toast to Sirius before he spotted Hayden on the threshold, and he smiled at her, quickly dropping the toast onto Sirius's lap before striding up to the dark-haired teenager and giving her a quick hug.

She was unfazed as she turned to meet his eyes.

"Where's Dad?" She asked, even though she knew the answer. Sirius replied in the usual answer, while shooting daggers at Remus as he took the buttery toast with his index finger and thumb and put it on his plate.

"He's snoring upstairs in his bedroom as he dreams about hot snogging with Cindy Burfello-"

"Shut up, Sirius," Hayden replied, feeling hot all over. Cindy Burfello had her eyes on Hayden's dad ever since she met him, and she treated Hayden like a baby. And she was in the Order of the Phoenix, too, so Hayden couldn't give her any flack about how bitchy she was- or so she was told, but she suspected her dad was just saying that so she wouldn't go ragging on her, anyways.

Trying to push all thoughts of Bitchy-Cindy out of her mind, she took a piece of toast from a china plate and began to chew it down, even though there was something large stuck in her throat. Hayden suspected it wasn't a chunk of food.

And at that moment, James decided to grace the room with his presence.

Yawning and hopelessly trying to flatten down his messy, bed-headed hair, he swooped down and kissed Hayden on the forehead. As he took a seat down next to Hayden, she pushed back her plate and crossed her arms while biting her lip as she stared out the window. James knew that face. She wore it when she was about to explode into tears, and he didn't think he could handle feminine _issues _this early in the morning.

"Dad?" She suddenly asked. He smiled at her and ruffled her hair as he took a piece of toast from the china plate and wolfed it down.

"Yeah, kiddo?" She hesitated for a moment before answering.

"I, uh, well, I…" She stammered. He stared at her patiently. She sighed in a resigned sort of way and stabbed her eggs- a little harder than usual- with her fork.

"Nevermind."

"Aw, Hayden, you got me all curious and then you let me down?" James asked teasingly. She didn't answer, just pushed back her chair and stormed out of the kitchen. A few minutes later, he heard muffled (but extremely loud) sobs coming up from Hayden's room. He turned back to stare at Sirius and Remus, who were smirking at him, like they knew something he didn't.

"What's the matter with Hayden? Is she okay? Is it her time of month?" He asked worriedly, and Sirius almost choked on his laughter.

"It seems, my friend, that Hayden is experiencing what one might call _'hormonal distress'._"

Remus chuckled as he bit off the edge of his now-cold piece of toast.

"Women," He said sympathetically at James's befuddled look. After a moment, he rested his head on the table with a gentle _thud. _

"What's the matter, Prongs, ol' pal?" Sirius asked, taking a seat in the now-empty chair next to his best mate.

"I feel like a failure all of the time!" James bursted out. Sirius and Remus exchanged looks.

"What do you mean?" Remus asked, with an eyebrow raised.

"I _mean _my daughter is in her room crying for Merlin-knows-what, I _mean _that I'll never be a good father towards her because I'm so immature, I _mean _Lily would've done a better job than I do at protecting Hayden, I-"  
"Prongs, you're probably one of the most loving fathers I ever met my eyes on." Sirius assured him, elbowing him gently in the ribs. "I know it isn't saying much, compared to my own father, but I truly think you are the most affectionate dad I will ever know. You love Hayden more than anything, don't you?"

James nodded wordlessly.

"So you have to _show h_er that. Now go on up and comfort her, tell her Cindy Burfello will never own your heart-"

"What?" James interrupted, his eyes narrowing in tiny slits. "What were you talking about before I came in?" His tone took on a dangerous edge. Sirius gulped.

"Well, we-"

"_You,_" Remus corrected.

"Were joking about you dreaming off a hot make-out session with Cindy, and then Hayden-"  
James smacked him upside the head.

"OUCH!" Sirius yelped, rubbing the now-sore spot on his head. "Why'd you do that?!"

"For being a great big prat, that's why," James snapped back.

**Hey, guys! I know the ending was a little off, but I hope you like the first chapter! **_**I **_**liked it, anyways- a bit of cheesy father-daughter drama is always the best way to jump-start your fanfictions about Harry Potter, whom you love more then your parents and whose face is on your wallpaper just staring up at you as you sleep… sigh…**

**But **_**siriusly, **_**I hope you sincerely liked this chapter! And before you ask me questions about what James and Hayden are doing in Grimmauld Palace in the first place, let me give you a brief explanation: After Lily is killed trying to protect baby Hayden, Sirius offers to let them live in his house until James is gone from the shock. Unfortunately, it hasn't left him for more than a decade, so, you know, that kind of sucks…**

**-Sarcastic Clapping, A.K.A. Queen Awesome of Epic Proportions, A.K.A. Lyricalyrics A.K.A. Potterhead Enthusiast, A.K.A. Proud RavenPuff (Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, study on your Potterhead facts, people!), A.K.A. Mayor of Wackspurts and Head Chief of S.P.E.W., A.K.A. pure brilliance reincarnated into one divine form, A.K.A. President of the Sirius Black Fan Club, A.K.A. The girl with a thousand names but usually known as the way someone puts their hands together repeatedly in a snarky way **


	2. Chapter 2

"Hayden, buddy, you okay?"

As soon as he said it, James cursed himself for his use of the word _buddy- _it was so patronizing. But what else could he had said: _"Hey, Hayden, I want us to have a heart-to-heart talk that I love you and Cindy Burfello is an insecure know-it-all and that I want this conversation to end with an awkward hug and cheesy, nervous grins?"_

Nu-uh.

Hayden looked up from where she was doodling on her notebook with her battered old quill and sighed.

"I'm on my period, Dad- for Merlin's sake, I need space!" She blurted out, and James narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

"Your period isn't for another 21 days."

Now, it was Hayden's turn to narrow her eyes.

"How do you know when my periods come and go?"

James snorted softly and crossed the room to sit on the edge of her bed.

"How can I not? Remember last time, and that tantrum you put up? I swear, my ears were buzzing for weeks!"  
Hayden blushed- she actually _did _remember, and it wasn't a pretty thing to witness.

"_But Da-ad, I need one!"_

"_Don't 'Da-ad' me, young lady- I already told you, you can't get the tickets and that's final!"_

"_BUT IT'S MY FAVORITE MUGGLE BAND; THEY'RE GOING ON TOUR AND THIS MAY BE THE LAST CHANCE I'LL EVER GET TO SEE THEM LIVE!"_

"_HAYDEN! I ALREADY TOLD YOU, YOU CAN'T GO!"_

_At which Hayden responded by throwing herself on the floor and pounding the floorboards with her fists, screaming that she hated him and that nobody understood her, sobbing, calling James a Flobber-ti-gibbet when he sent her to his room, and sulking for the rest of the day._

**(A/N: By the way, the italics are little flashbacks, so don't get confused or anything. BACK TO THE STORY!)  
**"Point taken- I guess."

"Hayden…" He edged closer towards her, and she put down her notebook in frustration.

"Damnit, Prongs, leave me alone!" She yelled, and he winced.

"Hayden, we need to have a serious talk. I didn't realize- I don't like- I never wanted you to feel-"

"I don't care anymore, Dad, I honestly just want to be left alone right now. So, please go. Like, now." She said carefully, and James glanced carefully at her face. Her bright green eyes- hidden behind the thick-framed glasses that she traded in for her round ones during the start of summer- were bloodshot, and her skin was a bit more pale than usual.

James sighed and trudged to the door, stopping at the threshold just long enough to say, "I'll be downstairs if you need me." Then he left, and Hayden made sure the door was fully closed before starting to cry once more.

Sirius and Remus looked up when they heard the unmistakable squishing of James's sneakered feet. He walked into the kitchen and slumped down on an empty chair, rubbing his hands through his hair.

"I need a Firewhiskey," He decided, and trudged across the room to the pantry, rummaging the shelves for a large bottle. Sirius and Remus exchanged looks, and then Sirius coughed and began to speak.

"Still a rage of hormones to be reckon with?" He asked, jerking his head upstairs where small- but incredibly loud- thumps on the wall were being heard.

"You have no clue," James muttered just as a loud _THUMP! _Hit the wall upstairs. They all winced.

"Sorry, mate- maybe I can have a go with Hayden, I'm sure she'd warm up to _me_," Sirius said smugly as he patted James's back.

"And what's _that _supposed to mean?" James said, glaring.

"It _means _that I have more experience with girl than you," Sirius said, smirking. James raised his eyebrows.

"I'll give you five Sickles if you can stop Hayden's force of hormones in the next two minutes," He said, dropping a few silver coins onto the table. Sirius smirked and crossed his arms.

"You're about to owe me five Sickles," He grinned.

Once upstairs, he gently rapped on Hayden's door. He could clearly hear sobs coming out of her room.

The sobs stopped.

"Hayden?" Sirius asked quietly, and eased the door open slowly. Hayden was slumped down on her bed, tears coming in streams out of her eyes. She quickly wiped them away when she saw Sirius, scowled at him, and threw the covers over her head. He ignored her and sat down on the bed.

"Hayden, it's okay to cry."

As soon as he said this, Hayden threw off the covers and smacked him on the arm- _hard._

"NO, IT'S NOT! MY FATHER IS GOING TO MARRY A SLUT AND A SECRET PROSTITUTE, HE'S GOING TO GO AND HAVE LOTS OF BABIES WITH A BITCH, AND HE'LL FORGET ALL ABOUT ME- AND LILY- AND YOU AND REMUS! AND I'LL BE FORCED TO MOVE OUT AND CAMP IN THE WOODS FOR THE REST OF MY _FUCKING _BITCH OF A LIFE!"  
Back downstairs, garbled yells were barely audible as they echoed through the thick floors. Remus and James winced in sympathy for Sirius.

Meanwhile, Sirius was making sympathetic shushing sounds and rubbed her back in little circles. She cried into his shoulder.

"Shit, Sirius, you're making my mascara runny," She half-laughed, half-sobbed, and wiped the dark smudges away. Sirius brushed his hands against her cheeks and wiped a blotch of runny black mascara away. She pulled back a little and put her head in his lap, still sniffing. After a few seconds, though, light snores escaped from her nose. Sirius smirked and gently laid her head down on the pillow.

"Five Sickles, come to Papa," He muttered, and quietly exited the room.

**I know this chapter was kind of lame, but I didn't really know what to do- comments would be appreciated a **_**lot. **_

**-Sarcastic Clapping, A.K.A. Queen Awesome of Epic Proportions, A.K.A. Lyricalyrics A.K.A. Potterhead Enthusiast, A.K.A. Proud RavenPuff (Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, study on your Potterhead facts, people!), A.K.A. Mayor of Wackspurts and Head Chief of S.P.E.W., A.K.A. pure brilliance reincarnated into one divine form, A.K.A. President of the Sirius Black Fan Club, A.K.A. The girl with a thousand names but usually known as the way someone puts their hands together repeatedly in a snarky way**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey, guys!  
I'm SUPER happy about all your **_**awesome **_**comments and suggestions for the story, with a special shoutout to alittlebitdifferent394 for her **_**sparkling **_**suggestion to put Ginny in the story! The boys are in for a surprise in this chapter… (evil laugh)! Anyways, here's the next chapter- enjoy!**

Hayden still wasn't talking to Prongs.

Honestly, she was being such a… _teenager. _And not the average witch- more like the indie, hipster muggle who was obsessed with obscure bands. And Muggles were sensitive. Especially teenage ones.

In fact, at the very moment, Remus walked past her door and heard a song blasting out of that ratty old radio Sirius got her for her last birthday.

_**Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father**_

_**Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers**_

_**Leave all your love and your longing behind**_

_**You can't carry it with you if you want to survive…**_

He peeked inside the door and saw Hayden, in nothing but her training bra, rapidly typing on her muggle computer James got her for Christmas as she mouthed the words to the song.

He was as scarlet as Ron's hair as he turned to leave.

Unfortunately, Hayden spotted him peeking and grinned.

"Hey, Remus!" She said cheerfully.

"Um, hello," He mumbled, looking down at the ground. She wasn't fazed as she turned around to pause the music and said, "Is Dad still pouting about how Laila didn't jump him back in the office?" She was referring to Laila Hutchins, a young (and _very _beautiful) lady who, like Cindy, worked in the Ministry of Magic, in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement.

"Um, no, not really," Remus mumbled, his skin now looking like garish blood. Hayden hid a smile as she turned her attention back to her computer.

"Well, tell him Gin's coming over for dinner today," She said distractedly, as she began to murder a few zombies on the screen. Remus turned- if it was even possible- even redder then he was.

"_What?" _He gasped. Hayden, either distracted by the music and her game or just plainly ignoring him, didn't answer. He shut the door to her room and dashed downstairs.

"Gin's coming over today- the youngest Weasley boy, he's coming over for dinner," He panted as soon as he stumbled across Sirius and James, playing _Scrabble_ on the floor_. _Sirius and James stared at him, neither moving.

"What?" Sirius finally asked, his voice strained as he raised an eyebrow. The music upstairs floated into his ears, along with the chiming mingle of Hayden's voice.

_The dog days are over_

_The dog days are done_

_Can you hear the horses?_

_'Cause here they come…_

"Yeah, what Padfoot said- _WHAT?" _James growled. Remus stared into his eyes.

"She told me that Weasley boy was coming over for dinner- right after she asked me if you were upset that Laila Hutchens hadn't jumped you."

"HAYDEN!" James called, his voice stern.

"YO, PRONGS!" She yelled back.

"HAYDEN, COME DOWN HERE!"

"I'M, UH, IN THE BATHROOM RIGHT NOW! I'M SHOWERING! I'M DRIPPING WET AND NAKED!" Her voice came, muffled, through the floors. James growled under his breath and began to walk upstairs, Sirius and Remus at his heels. Hayden's door flew open, and out came a half-nude Hayden, with only a training bra to cover her chest. James flushed and looked down, while Hayden stared at him with a lazy smile on her face.

"Merlin, I love it when you guys do that," She chuckled, and breezed past him to the bathroom door. A second later, they heard running water and a girl humming in the shower. James crossed his arms and stared at the door.

"Hayden, you've got to come out sooner or later," He warned her. She laughed and hummed louder.

"I brought a shower chair in here." James could almost hear her smug smile.

"Hayden…" He sighed.

"Dad…" She said in the same tone.

And then a loud banging sound came from downstairs, followed by a boy's sturdy voice.

"Um, hello? Am I too early?" He called out. The water from the shower instantly stopped, and a few seconds later came a dripping wet Hayden with a small, pink bath towel covering her as she ran downstairs.

"GIN!" James heard her squeal, and, desperately trying to flatten down his hair, walked downstairs. Hayden was in a very _intimate _embrace with a handsome young boy, about 16, who's arms circled around her waist. She lip-locked him, ignoring her guardians' presences.

"Ahem," Sirius said, his voice warning. Gin quickly stepped away from Hayden and folded his hands behind his back, his face as red as his hair.

"Um, hello, sir," He said in a wavering voice. "Are you Hayden's father?"

"No," James interrupted, "_I _am."

Gin flushed and bowed awkwardly. "Um, of course you are, sir." Then, as if to make up for the awkwardness, he added, "So _that's _where Hayden gets her looks!"

Hayden face-palmed herself.

"Look, I need to go change, so, just, don't burn down the house, alright?" She ran upstairs, clutching her soft pink towel around her with tight hands.

James turned to the boy and smirked.

"Have a seat, Weasley."

Gin gulped and took a seat down on the couch. Sirius and James were on either side, while Remus sat in the armchair across the coffee table.

"So, you have plans for my daughter, don't you?" James asked carefully. The boy nodded, trembling a bit as he did so.

"Yes, I do. I hope we'll become more than what we are one day, but for now the presence of her company keeps me quite happy. I hope I'll be able to see her more in the upcoming years," He answered, folding his arms on his lap. James and Sirius exchanged a look.

"So… when did you decided to 'date' her?" Sirius asked, his voice rough. Gin looked thoughtful as he stared into Sirius's eyes.

"Well, it came by surprise, _that's _for sure." He chuckled. "But the truth is, I've always liked Hayden. She's so sweet and witty, and she's always there for you when you need her. Plus, she's hilarious, and I think she's the best thing in the world." His tone held the admiration of something far beyond Peter Pettigrew's infatuation with James.

And then Hayden ran down the stairs, stubbing her toe as she did so.

"Oh, bollocks!" She cried unhappily as she bent down to peer at her red toe. She was dressed in a casual V-neck and some blue jeans splattered with paint stains, along with a blue hoodie over her shirt. Her hair was in a messy bun, and her wand was large and dominant in the back pocket of her jeans. Gin ran up to her and knelt down to examine her foot.

"You just sprained it, it's okay now," He told her soothingly. She stared into his eyes and gave him a warm grin.

"Thanks, doc," She put an arm around his shoulder and guided him to the dining room. Inside, a fancy table with china plates stood on a thick red carpet. The glasses were very classy, and the napkins were a pale pink, resting amongst the light blue tablecloth. The only thing that charred the whole classy look was the Chinese take-out on the tablecloth, the fries sitting on the china plates, accompanied by cheese hamburgers, and the Diet Coke inside of the glasses.

Like a gentleman, Gin pulled up a chair for Hayden, and she gave him a quick peck on his nose before taking a seat. He blushed, and would've stayed there trying to remember his name if not for James and Sirius's impatient "ahems". They all took their seats, and Remus tried to make friendly conversation as he breezed through his fries.

"So, Gin, how's your family been doing?"

"Thimf beef vaing 'ine," Gin tried to swallow the large wad of Chow Mein in his throat, without success. He took a long swing of Diet Coke and answered properly.

"They've been doing fine, thanks for asking. Mum's been as worried as always, and Dad's infatuation with Muggle products haven't changed a bit."

Remus chuckled fondly, and began to ask another question, before Sirius jumped in.

"So, Gin, do tell- what do you like to do in your free time? Have any hobbies? Weird fetishes? Funny past times?"

"Well, uh, I do love Quittich…" Gin asked, unsure of himself. James, forgetting himself entirely, launched into a conversation about the Chudley Cannons.

They spent the rest of the night in a bromance as they fantasized themselves playing for the team.

**Hey, guys! I thought this chapter was pretty funny, actually- I'd love to hear your thoughts on Gin!  
Love, hugs, and all that jazz,**

**Lyricalyrics**


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